Book 1 -- GOING HOME

Going home. For some the possibility arouses warm thoughts of well remembered good times. For others, the intimidating recollections of adolescent trials and humbling missteps are enough to create second thoughts: nagging doubts of whether going home is such a good idea.

For a few, like Tom Fedder, the prospect of going home produced only angst. After decades spent carefully evading any reason to revisit Tanner, he had come face to face with the necessity of being there one last time. Left to his own resources, perhaps he could have pulled that off. With the unsolicited help of his son, Rick Levant, and best friend, Paul Corin, that would prove harder than he expected.

Meanwhile, Linda Fedder was busy reinforcing her own defenses, preparing to fend off any approach from the one she must avoid like the Devil himself.

Why would Tom Fedder not have dreaded the ordeal of Going Home?

Selected Excerpts from GOING HOME

It had been forty years, a lifetime for some, since Tom Fedder had last set foot in his home town. In truth, those years had been a lifetime for him too, the second of two lives he had lived, each one self contained and tragically incomplete. For all that time he had labored to maintain that separation, making sure that neither of those lives intruded on the other.

It was his mother’s death, just four months earlier, that made his trip necessary. He was not looking forward to his return, but it had to be done.

For weeks, as he considered the need for his return to Tanner, Tom’s mounting anxiety had been fueled by the same recurring question. Could he complete his estate transactions and be gone from there before his presence created any extracurricular unpleasantness? From his perspective the stakes were high. A misstep could undermine the defenses that had kept his first incarnation at bay, and damage the carefully constructed framework that made his second lifetime livable. With luck, they would take care of business in a matter of days, without creating any unnecessary side issues.

~~~

Linda Fedder, she was “Grandma” to Sandy and Gail, was happy to see her young charges earning a few extra dollars. Life at the Asylum, Linda’s pet name for their crowded household, required every dollar they could scrape together. It had been that way for forty years. The next forty promised to be more of the same.

During the infrequent breaks in her busy life Linda was sometimes visited by pleasant thoughts of a better time, a time when the future had looked more hopeful. Invariably, it took only seconds for those Pollyannaish daydreams to give way to harsh recollections of the day when her youthful hopes had been washed away by waves of hurtful reality. 

There had been a time when she allowed herself to dwell on those toxic memories, relishing the justified hatred they allowed. Over the years she had learned that those flashes of unbridled anger hurt only herself. Setting aside the consuming need to blame was the only way to free herself from its disabling grip.

When she viewed her world from that perspective, Linda was actually thankful for how well things had turned out. Her neighbors, and the town at large, could make their jokes about the threadbare and sometimes unruly Fedder clan. She, on the other hand, was rather proud of how well her brood had weathered their storms.

~~~

Paul reached out to shake Tom’s hand, looking as if he had something more to say. “From what you said before,” he said. “I gather you realize there are still hard feelings out there, even after all these years. Tanner folks know how to carry a grudge, you know. They have long memories. So don’t be surprised if some of them haven’t forgotten.”

“I probably wouldn’t expect them too,” Tom nodded. “In any case, I plan to lay low. I’m certainly not interested in stirring things up. Hopefully I’ll be gone before they even know I was here.”